I am now here.

Enjoy.

RABBIT RABBIT! Happy September 1st, everyone!

So there we were sitting in our glory [We relish days like this, the big r took the day off]. I walked in the office with two very tasty caramel machiatto's, handed one to favorite officemate, went to my desk, took a deep breath and said aloud, "My this is a glorious day."

"Yes my sweet, that it is." Officemate responds.

However, for some reason we could not really enjoy the day. It was spent in confusion, possibly because we took too much down time, surfing the web, looking for new jobs. Towards the end of the day I had to put out a fire, which dazed me even more. Then,

"Do I smell?" Officemate begins sniffing herself.

"Emma, smell me." She begs.

"Girl, get the hell away from me." She walks towards me and I motion for her to stop a foot away from me.

"Okay, walk slowly towards me. Okay, stop." I start to fan my arms in the air trying to get a whiff of her.

"No, you don't smell. But remember, this happened to me yesterday. I thought I smelled ass lingering in the air."

[Yesterday I was having a conniption cause I swear I smelled ass in the air, I thought it was me. It wasn't. Apparently the ass smell came back and officemate had to suffer through it today] All day she kept sniffing herself and THEN, I got a whiff of it again.

"GEEZ. Where's it coming from?" I said with disgust.

We begin sniffing ourselves, our arms, our hair, we even strained to sniff our crotch area.

"It isn't me." We said in unison.

"Sniff your chair." I ordered.

She sniffs her chair. It's not her chair. "I don't know about you but I refuse to work in an environment that smells like ass. I'm going home." Officemate laughs.

First thing tomorrow, Mr. Building Manager will be called to inspect the "ass" smell.

The ride to Sandy Neck [ranked as one of the best beaches on the Cape] was smooth, no traffic [of course, we all got up at the ass crack of dawn to make the trip], and with no wrong turns. We arrived safe and sound around 9 AM, and one of the first ones there, the beach was naked. We found a part of the beach that had minimal rocks but for some reason, there were friggen flies that kept attacking us, 'green heads' I heard someone say. Almost everyone on the beach was complaining about them. We moved to another area of the beach, closer to the water and slept and read.




The next thing I knew the spot we had picked out became Camp Geriatrics. Everywhere we looked, there they were. I couldn't fall asleep as I could hear stories of how Betty fell down the hill and shattered her shoulder. Did you know it's better if you just break your bones rather than shatter them?

One of the elderly men looked like Ted Kennedy, a Ted Kennedy with no shirt on. You be the judge.

It was weird I tell you. They all seemed to congregate around us. It was like they were trying to suck our young energy away from us.

[Don't get me wrong, I love old people]

We tried to emerse ourselves in the water but it was too cold. It pained us to stand ankle deep in the water, but we realized that the longer you'd stand in it, the pain would subside. We soon found ourselves waist deep in the ocean. I, however, managed to take an exhilarating dip, neck deep, in the what it felt to be 65 degree water.

[One of the weird things was, the elderly people seemed to enjoy this cold water. They were the only ones swimming in it]

We stayed for about 6 hours, and headed back home. As we drove North, we looked opposite the highway and the traffic just trying to get past the Bourne Bridge was congested. It made us happy that we drove in at 8 AM.

All in all, we had fun.

I am burnt. It hurts. It's okay though. I'll be alright, miserable, but fine.

So like, have you ever seen shit hit a fan?

At about 4:40 PM today, I, Emma, witnessed shit hitting the fan.

We've all worked in an environment that we maybe hated a little...okay a lot...

BUT...

Have you ever worked in an environment where you had a Boss, then a supervisor, and a little of your contact is with this supervisor...and everytime said supervisor is under pressure, supervisor cries? Or supervisor micromanages you, and when I say micromanage, if it weren't illegal, supervisor would even walk into a bathroom stall with you to make sure you wiped your ass right?

Well, that's what I deal with now, can you tell?

L [favorite officemate] decided to call a meeting to discuss these issues. I agreed to it, mostly to referee.

So there we were, me, the big r, and L. It was L who did the talking, and as soon as she pointed out some of the big r's faults, you guessed it...the big r started crying and I'm not talking one of those boohoo pussy cries. The chick was bawling. Our meeting went downhill from there, especially after we couldn't get a word in, and the big r turned the meeting around to make it look like we were the assholes.

*Just a little side note:
Before we had this meeting, I explained to L that the big r would probably cry.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked L.

"Yes, I almost killed her today. I told her to leave me the fuck alone, that's how much she pissed me off." L, replies.

[apparently there was an altercation between the two while I excused myself to the little girls room, hence L wanting to call the meeting]

"Okay, well, before we go into this meeting, here's my advice,"

"DO NOT FALL FOR THE CRYING...HOLD YOUR GROUND. DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. SHE SHOULDN'T BE CRYING IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHE'S SUPPOSE TO BE A SUPERVISOR."

L agreed. However, L did not follow through. L apologized for making the big r cry, all the while my brain screamed out, "DUDE YOU DIDN'T MAKE HER CRY...SHE CAN'T HANDLE PRESSURE OR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM."

I sat through the meeting watching the big r throw accusations at the both of us stating, "If you do not like how this office runs, then look for another job."

And that's when shit hit the fan, folks.

I got very angry. However, I am a professional,I did not cry, I did not attempt to beat her ass, I took the bull by the horns...

"First of all R, you shouldn't even be crying. Second, you shouldn't be getting defensive. We are trying to explain to you how YOU could help US work in a stress free environment."

She starts crying again. L jumps in with a few words, then R starts throwing accusations again. I leave the conference room. L and R go at it.

Needless to say, we think we might be fired.

the long walk ahead.........


i feel as if i have not been living my life to it's fullest. for the past couple weeks i have come home not remembering anything i had done earlier in the day. i go to work - a place i used to enjoy...go home, maybe stop to window shop, try to read a little, or clean house, try to hang out with friends, but no, the days that have passed have been nothing but a whirlwind full of, i can't even remember...and even then what i normally would do isn't exactly intriguing.

in order to help my brain fartages i've had to adapt to a system the big r seems to live by. she writes each and every single word down, every task, even what she ate for lunch. it seems to work for her.

work is work, but fortunately the execs have all taken a vacation, for two weeks, leaving us three at the helm so it hasn't been that bad. it's been quite relaxing, the execs have been easier on us since the big r's breakdown, but that won't last. once they're back, we'll all be in a world of shit.

i went to a vintage store today and found a couple of blouses for under 5.00, still new, tags on and everything. i think that was the highlight of my day. i had to adjust one of the blouses as it exposed too much of my concave chest. i busted out the sewing machine my lovely sister bought for me and successfully altered it. i figured if i fucked it up, i wouldn't freak out cuz it was only a dollar. can you believe that, people? a dollar. that's probably how much they paid the person to make it, yet the tag said 98.00 (regular price).

can you tell i'm rambling?

this weekend is cape weekend. i will be spending my saturday, weather permitting, on a sandy beach, with my nose buried in a book as this MIGHT be the last weekend for beach weather.

I look back and I laugh at myself for doing the dumbest things, and I smile and admire myself for doing the most daring.

One of the dumbest being, breaking up with a guy cuz he had bad hangnails. Most daring being, packing all of my shit up into five boxes, paying to have them fly with me on a plane, including a set of golf clubs, because I decided one summer I had to move to Boston.

Stuff about me.

I don’t put myself out to try and impress a person, whether stranger or friend…what you see is what you get.

I don’t walk out of my apartment everyday for work or play thinkin’ I should look like someone out of a magazine.

Pee Wee Herman’s Great Adventure is still one of my all time favorite movies, I can sit through it repeating every line word for word…Think I’m a dork? ‘Course I am, fool.

I am fascinated by electronics, whether it is a new laptop, an iron, a hair straightener, a blow dryer, a vacuum, whatever plugs in, or doesn’t.

I’m a good listener, full of advice when you want it from me and full of advice when you don’t, especially when I think you’re setting yourself up for hurt.

My parents wouldn’t let me go to my prom unless it was with my brother. I tried to negotiate going to the prom with my brothers best friend – cuz he was kinda a brother to me. Parents said yes.

I’ve never had a one night stand, never chased after a guy, and won’t.

I am very much into politics but keep it to myself just as I do my religion.

I’m a gambler.

I’m shy.

I’m outgoing with my circle of friends.

When I get mad, I get very mad and you’ll know it.

I love my friends.

I love my family.

While on the phone with Catherine, the whorebag tells me she has a surprise for me via email. “I’m scanning it as we speak.” She says, laughing like a mad scientist.

“What is it? It better not be anything gross.”

“Didja get it yet? She asks.

I refresh my email, I’ve got mail.
“Okay, it’s downloading.”

She starts to laugh harder. One of those “car won’t start” types of laugh. The bitch can’t breath she’s laughing so hard.

“What the fuck! You better get rid of that hardcopy, man!”

She had sent me a picture of myself “back then”, braces, pale, zits galore [I'm talkin' if there was a pageant that crowned a beauty queen according to how many zits she had, I'd be Queen White head, and the runner up for Princess blackhead], horn rimmed eyeglasses, the whole freakageek shebang.

I think I’ve come a long way. A very, long, long, way. This picture isn’t that bad, but it brings back nerd memories, man. But,if you want to see worse you should watch the home videos my family has of me when I was twelve, you know, when VHS was the hot commodity.

I decided to share this picture on my blog, I mean, what the hell. It cracked Catherine up, and I’ll admit I chuckled a bit, maybe you will, too. Here is a before and after picture:

Before.


After.

Waking up to no Steve or Liz was a little dismal but I managed to get up and went to work. Those two are good eggs. I miss my friends, having Steve and Liz here made me realize how important and genuine friendship means to me. Geez, I miss Catherine.

Had lunch with Jay. I used to work with him, he's started up his own business and I arranged for him to come up to try and earn some of ours. It was fabulous seeing him, hadn't seen him in over three years.

"You look great." He says.

"Shut up you dirty old man. Quit your flirtin." I reply.

He did well, they asked him back, and hopefully something will fruition out of it.

I had planned to take HIM out to lunch for driving so far out for the meeting, he refused, such a gentleman. We talked about the good ole days, especially the hawaiian oompa loompa, and what we hoped for the future. Blech. I miss working with him.

I'm reading a couple books. 1. 9/11 Commission and 2. American Soldier.

I am very much enthralled with the both of these reads. I recommend them to you.

And so, I leave you with a bit of springy madness.