So here I am eating my Pad Thai from my favorite Thai restaurant, flipping through the channels when I start watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

I'm fuckin crying. I've lost my appetite. But I'm happy.

For those of you who don't know what Extreme Makeover Home Edition is...it's a show about major renovations on family's homes whom are less than fortunate.

It's just so fucking awesome to see the kids get so excited to see their new home, to have things they could only dream about having till this show began.

I was taught to give what I can. To feel. To learn.

& what I've leared about myself.

I'm happiest when I see others happy.

I was so proud today that I hadn't spent any money on frivolous things since Saturday. Keeping my budget in tow, I think I only swiped my debit card for gas at $2.01 a gallon (unbelievable, I was used to paying MUCH less than that) and paid some bills...until today.

At 4 PM, officemate starts talking about how she wants Chinese food for dinner. That got the little hampster in my head running. Hmmm. I decided to stop by the only Thai food restaurant in my town to order some beef basil fried rice. That wasn't suppose to happen. I had already planned to stop by my local grocery to buy some salami and provolone.

I decided to do both.

Ordered my rice. $7.50.

THEN...stupid me decides to make a pit stop at the local Marshalls attached to the the local grocer before grocery shopping. Ended up purchasing a nice little carry on for my trip next week. A Swiss Army carry on that rolls. There goes $41.

Then, weary about my purchase, I went to the grocery store.

Did you know that Salami is expensive?? Even more so, Provolone? The only good thing about buying a lb. of each was the deli guy was entertaining. He let me choose from a 3/4 lb. to a 1/2 to 1 lo. of each. HE WAS THE ONE WHO CONVINCED ME TO GET 1 LB of each!!! Damn them man. I woulda been happy with 3/4 lbs.

Geez. There went $11.00.

As I walked out, I realized I forgot the bread!!!

So much for biting the dust on spending. I'm doing good though. I drive pass the mall every single day to get to work. Haven't stopped in since I had to buy new eyeglasses, and even before that, hadn't gone to the mall in ages.

It's weird though. Everytime I get so proud of myself that I've saved extra money, I end up blowing some of it on stupid shit the next day.

Anyway, I just woke up from a nap I wasn't suppose to take. I'm gonna go make myself a salami and provalone breadless sandwich.

So today was tc day. When I go there I feel awkward. I sometimes get the feeling like they think I'm a prissy out of towner taking over their world. I do get a long with a few people there but I guess it's just some of the women. They look me up and down, (like they did today, and last week) and I feel like they think I'm "showing them up" by dressing the way I am suppose to when I go there. I feel like saying to them,

I clip my fingernails with a toenail clipper, I order McDonalds when I leave this place and eat my double hamburger and medium fry in my car as I drive the 30 miles back to the office, I don't wear thongs anymore, I wear boy briefs cause I hate feeling like something's crawling up my ass,I do fart, I'll eat the stupid prison food if it'll make you like me.

It doesn't phase me any more when I drive up that long road through the woods. I don't get that anxious feeling in my stomach where I feel like I have to do the #2, anymore. It's just going inside that sometimes urks me.

Anyway, I'll be taking a trip next week. I'm kinda scared of flying.

I'm watching daredevil, now. What a fuckin stupid movie.

Hi. I'm not doing too well. I don't know if I enjoy my job anymore. It's hard for me to leave work at work, especially when I have so much shit to do and I'm being pulled in so many directions that I don't get to finish my work. OR, because I'm being pulled in so many directions, something gets missed, minor/ major details get overlooked. Every time my phone rings, I take a deep breath and think "What the fuck, now."

Anyway. Other than this work crap...I had a nice weekend. The fifteenth was El's birthday, Happy Birthday El. Had dinner with her and C who drove in from New York on Friday night. Then on Saturday, which was a beautiful day, had lunch with C, El, and J at a place called the WhiteHorse.

Later that evening, we all met up at Grendel's (I think that's what it's called)to celebrate El's birthday. That was a nice quaint place. I actually enjoyed myself. We got hit on by some dude (more so El) whom invited us to a party he "thought" was gonna happen. He wasn't sure. (uh huh). He kept looking at her cleavage, too. I made sure to let him know that it was her birthday. :-D

I wanted to leave at midnight (like El suggested) but she changed her mind and decided to stay (stupid fresh air). El had suggested we leave at midnight because she wasn't feeling well but said we could go to her apartment. But then I suggested we go outside (it was a nice night out) We sat on a bench with C and A and took lots of pictures. Then, some street musician who was singing in the park started singing, "Wonderful World." I noticed he had a filipino accent while he sang "Wonderful World" and said, "Hey, I think he's filipino." I wanted to find out if he was so I asked El to come with me to talk to him. Sure enough, he was filipino. I made sure to tell him it was El's birthday, too. I gave him a dollar. When he sang that song, it reminded me of my pops who likes to sing on his karoake machine at home. He sings a lot, mostly Frank Sinatra songs, it's pretty funny shit.

We were there til 1:30 AM AND I WASN'T EVEN TIRED. I SO wanted to play Super Mario Party 5 (the bday gift sean and I got for her). Oh well, another day. Just remember, Elzilla, that game is 20% mine.

I'm going now.