Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Thinkin' Outloud...


"Can you call me back in twenty minutes so I can give the boys a bath."

I forgot to call her back. That was 4 and a 1/2 hours ago. Everytime I call her I not only have a conversation with her, I have one with her husband, and her two sons. She's constantly yelling, "KNOCK IT OFF," or "I am gonna go nuts!"

Sometimes I want to be her. The soccer mom minus all the yelling. The wife of one of the most sought after blue eyed dark haired 6 ft. tall guys in high school. I'm so glad I met her in high school. She helped me open up and find the bitch in me.

I called her because I was feeling so alone. I've been like this for the past couple days and it sucks.

My favorite part of being on the phone with her is when she puts her 2 year old on the horn and all we say to each other is "I gonna kick your booty" "No. I'm gonna kick your booty." "KICK YOUR BOOTY." I didn't teach him that by the way.

I'm gonna try and sleep. It's way past my bed time.




Thinkin' Outloud...


Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear maybe ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile- what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worth while
If you just smile
Oh that's the time you must keep on trying

Smile what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worth while
If you just smile




Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Thinkin' Outloud...


How my day starts.

I set my alarm for 6:50 on M-W-T-F. Alarm goes off. I hit snooze. Alarm goes off again at 7:00. I hit snooze again. Alarm goes off at 7:10. Repeat snooze. At this point I start to think about what I want to wear or if I've chosen what I'm gonna wear the night before (I hit snooze again and the alarm goes off at 7:20.) I finally drag myself out of bed. Grab my robe and towel and hit the bathroom. I'm stumbling as I am half awake. I turn on the shower, undress then hit the throne and tinkle. I get in the shower. Wash my face first, then I pray. Then I go through my normal shower routine. Body wash, shampoo, body wash again. I only shave my legs if I'm gonna wear a skirt or if I wear Capri's I shave my ankles. I shave my armpits if I'm gonna wear short sleeve shirts. As I'm hosing myself down, I think about what my day will entail. Done with shower.

Wrap towel around hair. Put robe on. Floss and brush teeth. Head to spare bedroom where I douse my pits in deoderant and lube myself then I blow dry my hair. After hair is dry, I pick out my wardrobe. I dress.

I then grab my backpack, frantically search for my car keys, feed the turtles, kiss Sean on the cheek as he's sleeping and head out the door.

THEN, my day begins.





Thinkin' Outloud...


I feel so alone. I came home today feeling tired but not wanting to take a nap, did so anyway. I NEED SOME LOVIN'.




Monday, April 26, 2004

Thinkin' Outloud...


I have no self control whatsoever. I DID go to F & R's. I DID order my steak salad and you know, I enjoyed every bite of it, including the jalepenos. I mulled and mulled over what to eat and decided to have my steak salad. I didn't even put any clothes on. I put my long overcoat over my undies and wife beater, pulled on some sneakers and bolted outo the door.

I am now eating my Mint Chocolate Cookie ice cream.

Oink Oink Baby




Thinkin' Outloud...


I'm home now. I went to the mall after work and had one of those 'what the fuck were you thinking' episodes. I was hoping to find new shoes but didn't. My search got weary under my heavy coat and uncomfortable outfit. I remember saying to someone early this morning that I felt angry but I didn't know why but now I do. I hated what I was wearing. I only wore it because it was previously ironed so I didn't have to wake up early to iron something and I was able to sleep in.

I am now sitting in my underpants and wife beater listening to the rain pelt against my windows. I am enjoying the peace and (sorta) quiet right now, creating my plan of attack for tomorrow. Tomorrow is early day.

I finally found my favorite ice cream at one of the many super markets in town. I'm about to enjoy some of it, hopefully I won't be so piggish and finish the whole pint.

Eek. I just thought of something that I might wanna eat? Steak salad from F and R's. No, no, I can't. It has jalepeno's and that will tear up my stomach. I don't wanna make funny noises while I'm at the TC.

I'm gonna plan a mini vacation with a very good friend. A three day thing, maybe, which will only involve laying on a flotation device in clear blue shallow water the entire time.

I had so much to say earlier but I'm so relaxed right now. Gonna watch some news.