I got a call from a possible employer but, I think I fucked up. But as my friend B says, "You're not a fuck up, you're just too honest."

- I really think I'd like this job-

But anyway, I get a voicemail from the company, I call them back, still disheveled from just waking up. I should have gathered my thoughts before I called but I was just so excited.

I was a bumbling idiot as I tried to explain myself to her. She asked me how my Excel Skills were. (I am good at Excel, but not like super good. I still have to reference my books once in a while.) I told her I considered myself an intermediate user. She asked me to explain what I meant by intermediate and that's when I became the bumbling idiot. She asked me if I knew formulas. (I do but I have to look back at my books, sometimes.) - and that is what I told her. She then asked me what I did at my former company and I'm thinking to myself, "Can't you read my resume?" So I went on with my spiel and that was it. She then thanked me for calling her and said if they are interested in my resume, they will be calling candidates back by Tuesday, nextweek.

Sigh.

So, I told B what happened and he says to me, "The next time someone asks you how your skills are in Excel, you say EXCELLENT - then go and buy a fucking Excel book and learn."

The thing is, I know Excel, I just don't KNOW Excel...Ya know? I don't want to embellish then find that I just dug myself into a hole, I guess.

So I guess what I'm trying to say B is, I'm an honest fuck up?

Anyway.

I bought myself a real wok today. This is the real deal, the kind they use right smack in Chinatown. Sean's not allowed to use it either. He has his own pots and pans. I seasoned it today by cooking pork in it. I think me and this wok are going to live a very happy life together. I can tell.

My bras and other stuff came in today. I like the pants and blouse but the bras, I dunno.
They smash my breasts flat. I think they are okay but, I'm not sure if I should exchange them for another kind of bra and wait the three weeks cause all the bras I have left are jacked up.

Dear Bra Fairy,

What should I do?

P.S.
Can you give the Job Fairy a little shout out for me, too?

Is this weather depressing, or is this weather depressing?
It's mid June and I have yet to pull out my summer clothes.

You know what I need? I need a good Friendship lashing. I need to get back with my long time girl friends and just hang for a while.
I'm tired of being around self absorbed, shallow, overly sensitive, inconsiderate girly jack offs whose purpose in life is to snag any type of attention they can get.
My god, did I say that outloud?

Why can't I have atleast ONE girl friend in my vicinity where I can hang out with her and I don't roll my eyes after every other sentence, who doesn't need me to feed her ego machine? Well, I could have that, but she'd have to divorce her handsome husband and grant him full custody of their two sons to be near me. (I don't think she loves me that much tho.) Thank god for unlimited nights and weekend minutes.

Today or tomorrow, my new bras will be arriving. (and pants and blouse) I had to get the extra stuff to get free shipping.
I have many bras but the stupid clasps were made of a certain plastic material and would break after a while - I wish I could say they broke cause of my voluptuous bosom, but no. Anyway, I've been holding my bras together with twisty ties. I would use safety pins but they'd friggen pop on me and I was afraid the needle would poke me.
I should complain to Victoria Secret but I know they'd say I probably didn't care for them well.

Time to watch Dolores Claiborne and scare myself.

So, my disclaimer will always be, you don’t have to read this if you don’t want to. If it disgusts you, then I must be disgusting to you, so go the fuck away.

I just finished my period. This wasn’t any normal period I’ve had either. For instance, the PMS I was suppose to get prior to my period didn’t happen until it now…I’m not happy about it.

Here’s what happens when I have PMS.

-I get very tired. Almost to the point where I’ll just about fall asleep anywhere and I won’t wake up for a very long time.
-I’ll eat a lot of salty foods or have weird cravings. One of ‘em being lemons doused in salt.
-I’ll get a pimple during this period, and it will be the mother of all zits that leaves a mark for a few weeks, ‘till the next one comes.
-I get anxious.
-I like to buy things.
-I get a migraine that lasts for a day or 2.
-I get very mean and tell you what I think about you in .5 – if you do something to annoy me (or in this case, wear something that annoys me)
– Digressing– Once at the office, one of my co-workers came to work lookin’ like she was going to a BBQ. So I say to her, “Hey, are we having a BBQ or something, I wish someone woulda told me?” – The woman was wearing a really short Skort and friggen flip-flops. No one else wanted to say anything but I knew they were pissed at her attire. I wouldn’t have said anything but she just happened to catch me on “one of those days”. She looks at me like I just slapped her and says to me she woke up late and didn’t have time to find anything clean. Yeah right, and my name is Kunta Kinte`.
I don’t know about you but that was the dumbest fucking excuse I had ever heard. You don’t have anything proper or clean to wear, so you come in practically wearing daisy dukes and slippers? What pissed me off the most was, my boss told me I couldn’t wear sneakers with my suits even after telling him my sob story about how I broke all my toes in soccer which hurt me to wear dress shoes and she came in wearing THAT? /digression
-I get all bloated and fart a lot and these aren’t those stupid girly farts either. I’ll put you to shame.
-Sometimes, when I look over at Sean, I start to snicker uncontrollably to myself – if I squint my eyes, he looks like a Giant Marshmallow man, all pasty white.
-Anything you say or do will be used against you, in my condition.

So, my periods over, yet it’s not really over. Comprende`? All the things I've listed above is happening after the fact.
I do not know why this has happened. I think I ate something that knocked me off kilter. Or wait a minute; I have been working out more than usual, so maybe that’s it. Oh, to be a woman.

Testes, 1 - 2 - 3...Testes

Hey, y'all. Welcome to my new blog.
Marianne, I hope this blog has the "ummph" you asked for and if not, you can speak to the creator, I believe his name is Jason Stutter, Sutter...wuteva. Anyways, I like it and that's all that matters.
I'll still be working on it from time to time, making adjustments and such so have patience and don't test mine.
This blog will be me mostly bitching about stuff/people that annoy me, make me happy and shit like that. It will be about the truth in life from my perspective and I welcome your opinions on what mine are.

Carry on.